I can't sleep, I thought I'd talk about something that I discovered.

Today I got back from band camp. Read all about that in my other blog. :)

Anyway, I got back, laid down, and was just relaxing. No OCD flares, no compulsive thoughts, and everything's going just fine. All of the sudden, my sister knocks on the door and says "Jasmine, can I borrow your black shoes?" I say "No, Lizzy, they're packed in my suitcase because I still have to unpack." She says "Please, Jasmine? I need shoes to wear with my dress." "No, Lizzy. I don't want you to wear them." "Ugh."
Then, of course, she tells my mother and gets to wear them anyway.
It's not the fact that she was a total disobediant brat that bothered me, it was the fact that she's wearing my clothes. This isn't just a selfish older sister thing, it's a serious bother. I went out to talk to my mom about it and she was just like "Forget about it, she's wearing them. End of story." Because of this, I got very upset. I don't know what it is, but people wearing my clothes when I don't know what they've done all day is just gruesome. I can handle it if I know what they've done that day, but if I haven't interacted with them or known whether or not they've taken a shower, it's just not right. They could easily soil my clothes and shoes and it's just annoying. I was literally pushed to the point of tears because it triggered me so much.
I'm progressively gaining symptoms, it's worrying me.
Obsessively yours,
J♪

Just to point something out

I haven't posted in like a month, but I wanted to update because I'm making a bit of progress when it comes to handwashing. However, there's another habit that goes hand in hand with washing. When it comes to handwashing, it's all about keeping your hands clean and free of danger (which sounds ridiculous, but it's what goes on in an OCD mind). When you can't wash, you tend to rub your hands, either on your clothes or just rubbing your hands together. Because I'm vowing not to wash my hands unnecessarily, I'm beginning this habit.
Now, here's what I need YOU to do :)
If you witness this, point it out. I've stopped myself before, but it's... subconsious at times? If that makes sense, then go with it. Just by doing this, you're helping my journey. Yay!
Obsessively yours,
J♪

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I simply haven't had anything crazy OCD happen to me lately. Because of this, I'll tell you a story about my new favorite show! Lol :)
So on The OCD project (of course) Dr. Tolin did an exposure on Kristen that had to do with one of her biggest fears. (Kristen is a washer, just so you know.) They usually sit around a big glass rectangular table that looks like this: (But bigger.)


There were four other patients and Dr. Tolin that were going to participate in the exposure. Kristen is very afraid of people touching her, especially males, so I guess you can see what they were going to do. They did a routine that kind of resembled duck duck goose, but there were five people touching one person's head instead of the other way around. It was pretty sad and hilarious at the same time because she was freaking out about everybody touching her face, but she literally started crying because Dr. Tolin kept his hands on her face for like five minutes. I felt really bad, but it was kind of funny at the same time. Sorry, Kristen. Lol
Anyway, another story is with Kevin. Poor Kevin had to leave because he also had Asperger's and they wouldn't be able to help him. Sadddd :(((
Oh well. I hope I'm getting better.
Obsessively yours,
J♪

So I'm beginning to see progress.

I'm doing well, my hands haven't been compulsively washed all weekend. :)
Be proud. Lol
However, I've discovered a new thing that I've associated with danger, but it's a little difficult to explain. Try to keep up with it, I'll do the best I can to explain it. So here's how it went down. This weekend we went on a vacation to Cedar Point/Castaway Bay, which was pretty awesome. I loooooove to ride roller coasters and I don't understand people who don't like them. I mean, I totally accept those who don't like them, don't get me wrong. In fact, most of my friends absolutely hate roller coasters. However, I don't understand why people are just completely afraid of them and think they're going to die when they get on a roller coaster. If they weren't safe, they wouldn't have built them in the first place, guys. Anyway, I was at Cedar Point and two things happened that I've associated with being dangerous. They were the same thing, but not the same instance.

Dropping things from heights.

Silly, right? I mean jeez, it's not supposed to be a big deal, but... well... let me share my stories.
If you've ever been to Cedar Point, there's a 99% chance you've noticed that sky ride thing that's on the wire for lazy people that don't want to walk. Yeah, we were riding that thing to the front because we were all tired, our feet hurt, and frankly, we just thought we'd like to ride it. So my sisters and I were in one cart thing and it was pretty high up. Mind you, I'm not afraid of heights, but I do think about things such as "What if I fall out of this ride and I break something when I land? Or what if the ride broke and it fell? OR what if the wire on this sky ride broke and the cart fell ON TOP of someone?!" But that's not what I want to talk about. So my sister leaned out of the car to take a picture of something and I started freaking out, got that feeling of danger in my chest, started getting dizzy, and just plain yelled at her to get back in the cart. I don't know why I freaked out so badly, but I just did.
The other story's a bit more ridiculous, but I thought I'd share it anyway. We were standing in line for the Maverick, and there's this bridge thing that goes around a small pond. (If you've been there, you'll know what I mean.) My family had gone to Castaway Bay the day before and had the admittance wristbands, but we weren't going back so I took mine off. My brother followed my example, but dangled the wristband over the pond, which for some reason, really scared me. I was saying stuff like "Cameron, don't you dare drop that in the water," which only made him put it out further and freak me out more. I couldn't even look at the stupid thing without wanting to faint in fear of him dropping it into the water and not getting it back. Eventually my mother made him bring it back in and put it in her bag, but I felt lightheaded for a little while.
All I know is that I've got to stop associating this with danger or I'll be stuck with it for a while.
Obsessively yours,
J♪

My hands are starting to smell like apples. All the time.

So in my last post I spoke a bit about my compulsions. The last one is just one I'm beginning to see, and that's hand washing. As for the title of this blog, well, I'll tell you in a minute.
In other news, I've fallen in love with the OCD project on VH1, it's very realistic and pretty hilarious at some parts, but at some points it makes me wonder if I'll spiral down that far. My very favorite part so far is when Arine (Arr-rin-ay) was overcoming her fear of hitting pedestrians with her car and Dr. Tolin was throwing baby dolls at her while she was driving. If I can find the video on Youtube or something, I'll put it up. :)
Anyway, as for the title of my blog, I'm seeing the signs of compulsive hand washing, which is not good. And seeing as though we have apple scented soap, well, I think you get the picture. It's worrying me a bit, and I'm trying to stop myself, but it's a bit of a struggle to NOT do it at some points. I mean, basic hygiene is just a given, but I've been doing it a lot. I washed my hands like... at least five times today before 1:00. At one point, I was making something to eat and I washed my hands twice before I was even finished. It's getting sad, guys. If you know me and I'm about to go wash my hands for no particular reason, slap me. Lol. :)
Obsessively yours,
J♪

P.S.
Here's that video, it doesn't really get funny for a couple minutes, but the baby part made me laugh for like ten minutes. :)

http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/525331/arine-driving-exposure.jhtml#id=1640925

The Beginning

So if you've kept up with my other blog posts, you know that I'm very... precise. Or at least when it comes to correcting mistakes and organization. This is because I'm currently living with the slight mental disorder OCD. Now I haven't been to a doctor to confirm it for sure, but I'm fairly certain that I've figured it out by myself. Now I know what you're thinking. "OCD is just when you wash your hands over and over and you keep everything clean. Big deal." But it's really not. I mean, that's how some cases are, and the people that suffer from it are referred to as the washers. They're the most common of the OCD sufferers around the world, but I'm not particularly one of them at home. In public places, I don't avoid handshaking and doorknobs, but I'm very cautious about touching dirty things. It may not show, because I try to stop myself, but sometimes it is how it is.
Now there are certain symptoms that showcase my OCD, but they're not particularly easy to identify if you've just met me.
○ The fear of making a critical error and rechecking everything in order to avoid a fatal mistake.
○ The fear of harming someone.
○ The irrational fear of a sickness. (This one's not that bad, but I do have it.)
○ The need for symmetry and perfection.
○ And sadly, I'm beginning to see the beginnings of hand washing.
Now this may seem bad, but it's really not as bad as some cases I've seen. I have not been plagued or held back that much by it, and I don't think I'll need medical attention because this is a very mild case. By the way, some of my posts may make it seem so, but it's usually me just venting about something I'm dealing with when it comes to this. I may not post for a couple of days, I may not post for a couple of weeks, or I may never post ever again. Who knows? Oh well. Keep up with me. I'm not sick, I promise. And I'll try not to scare you, but if something's worrying you, feel free to ask me about it.
Obsessively yours,
J♪